The family of a much-loved wife and mum who was found drowned in a river have spoken for the first time.
Stella Toner, 55, who suffered from mental health issues and alcohol addiction, went missing from the family home in Strood.
Her sudden disappearance prompted a wave of emotion with an online poster campaign and search parties set up in the Strood and Rochester areas.
Days later, after a potential sighting on the Esplanade, her body was discovered in the River Medway near Cuxton.
Nearly 18 months later, her close-knit family want to celebrate Stella’s life and they are determined to help those suffering from addiction.
Leading their mission is daughter Kirsty, 33, who is in training for the London Marathon in April and, with brother Conor, 30, is organising Stellafest a fundraising weekend at the Rising Sun pub in Rochester.
Kirsty said taking on the running challenge has helped to ease the grief of losing her mum.
She said: “You always sit back and reflect. What could I have said, what could I have done?
“It’s helping me sleep better at night knowing I’m doing some good.”
At the heart of it all is Open Road, a little-known charity in Chatham which supports people with addictions and helped Stella in her darker days.
Stella, who was a regional manager for John Lewis in Bluewater, used to attend the High Street hub for “a chat and a coffee” and, according to Kirsty, staff became her “second family”.
Kirsty said: “They massively supported my mum at the time.
“They offered counselling, a cup of tea or coffee and there’s no judgement.
“I was embarrassed my mum was a drinker. But it’s not like an illness where you take a pill to get better or like cancer when you have chemo.
“There’s no shame in addiction but it can be a taboo subject.
“Drinking is a common thing in our lives.
“If you’ve had a good day you have a glass of wine. If you’ve had a bad day you have a glass of wine. But it can be a slippery slope.”
Kirsty, an account manager for a baby equipment company, believes her mother’s problems accelerated when she was forced to work from home during the pandemic.
She was also impacted by her two children growing up and no longer being reliant upon her.
Kirsty, who lives with her dad Liam in Strood, said: “She was a people person.
“She struggled being at home behind a laptop and not talking to anyone was a big factor.”
She added: “ She enjoyed being the hostess with the mostest. She loved cooking for everyone.
“She was a housewife and had a full-time job.
“She seemed to lose her purpose in life. She lost her way.
“Open Road became her different life.”
After her untimely death in August 2023, family friends and the local community raised nearly £3,000 in a JustGiving memory page which was donated to the charity.
The cash was used to renovate a kitchen and cafe area which has been named Stella’s Kitchen.
Kirsty has since been made a patron for Open Road which has other branches in Essex.
While busy practising for the marathon, Kirsty is also helping to organise the fundraiser on Saturday, March 1 and Sunday, March 2 at the Rising Sun in King Street, off Delce Road. There will be live music, a silent auction and raffles.
She’s also planning to lobby Medway Council to install fencing along the Esplanade where her mother is believed to have entered the river
She said: “This is very important to us. Not just to protect children from going in but because of mental health issues. The current in the river is so dangerous.”
Kirsty thanked those who offered to help find Stella and offered condolences when she was found.
She said: “Social media was a great thing for myself and my family.
“People say it can be negative. But everywhere we looked there were images of my mum.
“We are so grateful to people in Medway and Kent who helped us.”
You can donate to the cause here.
Contact stellafestofficial@gmail.com if you would like to donate a raffle or auction prize to help support a local community.
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