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Dear Annie,
I cannot escape my ex-roommate. She keeps talking about me and spreading false rumors and accusations. I have heard firsthand the mean things she said about me and don’t know why she is still harping on it when it was so last year please help do I just ignore it or confront them and stand on business
Help please,
Unlucky resident
Dear Unlucky resident,
Reality TV historians might remember former best friends Heidi Montag and Lauren Conrad’s feud on “The Hills.” After Heidi’s then-boyfriend spread false rumors about Lauren having a sex tape, Heidi confronted Lauren to try to resolve the tension. The latter shut down any chance of reconciliation, telling Heidi, “I want to forgive you, and I want to forget you.” The confrontation solidified the end of their friendship, and the rumors continued. “Standing on business” accomplished nothing, and it won’t for you, either.
Life isn’t reality television. Confronting our former friends isn’t a necessary scene the producers need to further the plot. Besides, as seen in the clip, Lauren had no intention of listening to Heidi. She’d made up her mind about the future of their friendship. If they hadn’t been paid to have the discussion, who knows if it would have happened. Consider your end goal before engaging with your ex-roommate and whether the likely outcome is worth disturbing old wounds.
Ask yourself what your intention is in confronting your ex-roommate. Do you want to repair your relationship? In that case, it’s worth reaching out to her. Or do you want to use this as an opportunity to scold your roommate? Then it’s best to ignore the rumors and prove they’re untrue by rising above. As these are “false accusations,” the second should be the easier course of action.
If you want a future for your past friendship, have a conversation rather than a confrontation. Enter with a willingness to consider her perspective. You may find these are not “rumors” to her but reflect her understanding of her relationship with you. Without clear communication, people may misinterpret actions and intentions, leading her to believe your behavior was more nefarious.
But remember that when a relationship falls apart, both of you share the burden. Talking with your ex-roommate may require you to accept responsibility. Consider if you are capable of acknowledging your role knowing that this person has met your platonic breakup with hostility.
If your “business” is to call your ex-roommate a crazy liar and never see them again, it’s best to let the situation rest — after all, as you say, it is “so last year.” People tend to spread rumors when they’re in a bad place emotionally, like suffering from low self-esteem or settling a vendetta. Confronting someone in a dark place with anger, however valid it may be, risks exacerbating the situation. Besides, giving airtime to the rumors may inadvertently validate them.
If, like Lauren Conrad, you want to forget your ex-roommate, focus on other relationships. The best way to dispel rumors is through your current actions. If your behavior with your other friends and potential new roommates totally opposes the rumors, most logical people won’t believe them.
As hard as it is, avoid acknowledging the rumors. Your real friends know who you are, and your ex-roommate knows what she did.
Don’t roll up,
Annie
#confront #exroommate #spreading #rumors #Hatchet
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