A cocktail bar decked out like a steampunk submarine in a converted F. Hinds?
It could only be Margate.
Revered, then derided and now simply not taking itself too seriously, this is a town that now courts Michelin reviewers and foodies on one hand, and on the other is home to kiss-me-quick hats and Europe’s best (and only) crab museum.
So where better to open a bar that’s serious about mixology, yet gloriously bonkers at the same time.
Anna and Chris launched The Clockwork Cocktail Company in 2017, hoping to bring to Kent the experience they’d gained working in big city bars at home and abroad.
The menu is extensive and you might need Google to decipher some of the more exotic ingredients. Falernum, anyone? The pages feature vodka steeped in strawberry laces, nitrous oxide-infused mint sugar syrup and macerated hibiscus.
At least in The Zombie I’m familiar with the final ingredient. It is simply, and in caps, FIRE!
But believe it or not, this is the restrained version of the drinks list.
Online its offerings had included such off-the-wall concoctions as Luke Skywalker’s Blue Milk and President Zaphod Beeblebrox’s Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster which came with instructions to “put the popping candy shot in your mouth, gargle, swallow and pull a face.”
Naturally disappointed to be denied the chance to spend my night turning, I settle for the Shi So Sour while my drinking buddy opts for the spicy honey marg.
Both were a tenner, but if we had been able to agree on having two of the £9.50 cocktails we could have got a round for £15 with the happy hour deal.
Mine was described as a hybrid of a pisco sour and a classic daiquiri with an Asian twist, coming from makrut lime leaf syrup (eh?) and shiso Japanese bitters (nope, no idea) and hit the spot perfectly – tart, zingy and herbaceous. Exactly what shiso is I still don’t know, but I know I like it.
The spicy marg went down well, but my drinking buddy is still chasing the shadow of one he had in a bar in Costa Rica, and its proximity to the home of tequila means that one was always going to win.
Now we had a glass in our hands it was time for a look around.
The bar is designed to feel like being in a submarine and the walls are adorned with copper piping, cogs and framed pictures – we are watched over on our banquette by a portrait of a lady wearing a gas mask and a lynx in a dinner jacket.
I still don’t quite understand steampunk, but it was fun and different. If the place has a DIY-feel to it, it’s because the owners did the majority of the décor themselves, even painstakingly making the bar out of resin.
This is where the best seats in the house turned out to be, chatting to mixologist Ellen while she made up round after round from scratch and listening to the back and forth of banter.
The crowd is a mix of friends, couples and as I perch, a Bill Bailey lookalike walks in and is soon deep in discussion about the bar’s selection of rums.
Good idea. So next I try the Koh Tao Punch, a mixture of Malibu, vodka, lime, mango, coconut cream and chilli named after its namesake Thai island.
This creamy, spicy, tropical creation was the absolute highlight and what Margate lacked in chilled-out beach vibes on this freezing winter night, this drink stepped in to replace.
The aptly named Baby, You Can Drive My Car for my drinking partner/chauffeur was as much milkshake as mocktail, with salted caramel, espresso and half and half masquerading as an espresso martini. But who doesn’t like a grown-up milkshake?
All the cocktails can be made vegan and if you can’t find what you want on the menu they’ll happily make it up – unless it’s a Sex on the Beach, we’re told with a smile, because they’re just s***.
There’s also theatre to be had – the Old Fashioned is served in a smoke-filled bell jar and the description of The Zombie was not bluster – it comes in a skull glass and set alight.
I could easily have lingered at the bar all night but, when you can no longer say Shi So Sour, it’s probably time to go.
This venue, unapologetically different, embodies the energy of this seaside town. Yes, there’s some rough edges – to get to it you have to pass some dilapidated units and some rather rude graffiti about someone called Jean. But despite the odds being stacked against it, it’s fun, irreverent, and deservedly thriving.
The Clockwork Cocktail Company 68-70 High Street, Margate, CT9 1DT
Décor: I still don’t really understand steampunk, and it doesn’t take too much imagining to be back in F. Hinds due to the layout. But you can tell a lot of love has gone into this renovation and the quirky surroundings perfectly reflect the bar’s vibe ***
Drinks: Difficult to fault. Considerable effort went into these drinks, which were made from scratch, many using unusual homemade syrups. They wouldn’t be out of place in any big city bar. *****
Price: Cocktails came in at around a tenner and mocktails were £6.50-7.50 which was very reasonable for the quality. Go between 6pm and 8pm for the 2 for £15 bargain, if you can agree on two of the same that is ****
Staff: Friendly, attentive and happy to banter. Ellen said the boss made better cocktails than her but we had no complaints *****
Best for: Trying new things
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